I've been good in this relationship. Ok, i've made mistakes but then when i say sorry and said that i wouldn't do it again, I mean it. I always do my part as a "girlfriend". I want to respect him.. All this time.. I thought my acts are worth it for this relationship.. but, NO. I ended up being in pain.. deep pain. Too the point that i can't even cry because all i can feel is pain and anger. I decided to blog here because i know that people are not aware that i have a blogspot again. I've been fooled. I can't accept the fact that i've been fooled. It hurts me so much. :( God knows how.. ='( I want to cry.. I want to let this all out but i can't.. Isn't 3 chances enough? :( Fuck, i don't know why im experiencing this. I don't know if I really deserve this shit. My mind is totally messed up with a lot of things and I don't know what i'm going to do. ='( I don't deserve you.. ='( im so upset.. 2 years, ended like this. :(
my mind and feelings is super fucked up. Ang bigat ng loob ko.. napipikon ako sa mga nangyayare. Pucha, hirap magpaka-tough at hindi umiyak pero gusto ko ilabas lahat. Sobrang hind ko na alam mga nangyayare. Para bang "anjan na yan eh.. tanggapin mo na." ANO PA BA.. naasar ako. ginawa ko yung part ko.. pero wala pa rin pala.
Lord sana bumilis na panahon.. hindi ko na kinakaya talaga. :( mahirap maging ganito.. :(( sobrang sakit at bigat.. ng nararamdaman ko.
Been idle for how many days due to my lazy ass. Spend the long weekend at Serendra. I miss my little space here in the web. I want to blog but i need to take a bath and go to bed..
I want to make kwento and stuff.. But I don't know where to start rin. Hayy, it's just so sad.
I'm sick. I have colds and cough. In short, I'm not feeling well. I can feel that any moment later, fever is here. This day was very tiring. I was planning not to attend class since yesterday 'cause i really feel bad. But unfortunately, we have a required tour to attend. We're so glad that we'll be excused in our accounting class due to our tour. BUT, we're wrong. We'd rather attend accounting instead of that tour. Really tiring, i swear. Went to San Agustin Museum and Bahay Tsinoy located at our very own Intramuros. The place is great but it's hard strolling around because it's very hot. The Church is very historic.
@ San Agustin Church with Prof. Estrada and blockmates.
vanessa and anne.
Nothing much happened. Just an exhausting day with the block.
Need to rest. Please pray for me that I'd be okay soon. :)
Ohh and Btw, The boyfriend and I watched UP yesterday!! Very funny movie, I swear. Russel is soo cute! :D Watch it too. :) I'm planning next to watch The Time Traveler's wife and Aliens in the atic. yehey! but the boyfriend said that he don't feel like watching the Time traveler's wife kasi it's corny daw.. Boys will always be boys. Whatever.. I'll still watch anyway. The boyfriend saw the trailer of "The Last Airbender" and he was like "aahhh, gusto ko yan peng! panuorin natin yan haa???" (showing 2010 pa -_-) I was like -_- and said "ikaw panuorin mo.." hahaha. Kasi i don't feel like watching it din! Seriously, not my thing when it comes to movies. Haha, Let's see na lang because for sure boyfriend will nag at me just to watch the movie. -_-
I'm having colds right now. It's 10:18 in the evening and I'm not yet sleeping. To think that I have a 7AM class tomorrow.
Anyway, I've already got my midterm grades and I passed my subjects. Hopefully, I can pass my accounting until finals. This day was plain nothing special happened. It's just tiring because I have classes from 7AM to 4 PM.
Awhile ago, I saw a blue colored paper in which I wrote my thoughts and a prayer a few days ago when I was really depressed. I don't know if it's really a habit for me but I tend to write random thoughts in different papers, notebooks, etc.. I had a diary before where I used to write my thoughts for the day or what I've been through and the like. But now, I don't have any diary. I have so many different papers with random thoughts in it. Usually, i write thoughts when I want to be alone and just think and think and think. I'll share what I've written a few days ago..
"Today is full of realizations again. This is the point where I am starting to be weak and paranoid. Im just so sad that i can't prove myself. I'm just feeling helpless and emotional again. "God please give me strength to face what I'm facing today.. You're the only one who can fully understand me at this point. Please give the encouragement that I can face this with YOU, that I can pass all these trials you're giving me. I know later in your time everything will be fine again. I ask forgiveness for all my sins. Please give me the strength to stand still every minute of my life. I know you're planning my future today and I shouldn't worry on what will happen next. Always be at my side Lord God so I can be at ease every time. Always make me feel that I am different from others, that I am a precious being in this world, that I am unique and I am not less or greater than others. I know in your eyes my worth is priceless. I love you Lord God.. Please remove this sadness that I am feeling today because I know you don't like me to be sad. Don't you? I thank you for the never-ending and countless blessings that I am receiving everyday. Please continue to guide me and educate me everyday Lord God. I love you.."
It's just depressing that time. But I'm fine again. Princess, FIGHTING! hahaha. I can't get over with boys over flowers. It never fails to make my day.. I never get tired of watching it all over again in my iPod. HAHA! super addicted with Gu Jun pyo. =) Tsk, I feel like watching again but it's sleeping time. HAHA..
"I’m disappointed and I am very irritated right now. I don’t know why my fingers landed on here and started letting this out. This day was a big disaster.. Actually kagabi pa talaga. I’ve made a surprise slideshow with a message video on it in the end for my best friend who’s having her 18th birthday in cebu. Well, unfortunately “hindi daw humabol” yung video kaya ano pa nga ba? Hindi siya maipapakita. I was so hyper a while ago before feeling like this. Why? Because they called me and I was able to have a short speech for my best friend thru a phone call that everyone could hear. And then I got worried because I remembered the slideshow I’ve made.. But then yun nga. K I’m super irritated na nakalimutan ko ng mag aral para sa TATLO kong midterm subject exam bukas. Okay, exage.. nakapag aral ako dun sa isa pero dun sa dalawa hinde. K AS IN! It’s been a long time since I’ve been irritated like this. Do you know the feeling na “wow, masusurprise ko siya..yey.” ‘cause it’s the least thing I can do eh, kasi nga wala ako dun. Pero.. pero.. yun na ngaa!! Kaasar big time. There’s so many thing that went across my eyes that made me more irritated.. I’m still uneasy blogging some personal part of my life.. So I can’t share it here for now.I just want to be calm right now.. Thinking that things would be OKAY. Now I am worrying a lot about random things and that is why I am starting to be depressed again.I must put in mind that “if you pray, don’t worry. If you worry, don’t pray.” Lord, please help me overcome this feeling and the things I worry a lot.. please. =( "
Okay, this was supposed to be my blog entry for yesterday.. Unfortunately, I'm super duper mega irritated na sinabayan pa ng magandang connection ng internet. I'm still irritated right now. God knows how am I feeling at this moment. Supposedly, boyfriend and I planned to hit the mall and watch GI JOE. That was the plan the other day pa lang.. But then this day was so tiring.. Physical and Mental. I had my 3 midterm exams today. Since in the morning pa lang, I kept on reading my notes trying to understand the lectures.. Exam, break, study for next exam, Exam, break, study for next exam, Exam.. Hindi ba ang sakit niyan sa ulo? Isama mo pa yung tension habang nag-iisip ka na mabuti sa exam mo. Grabe! I'm pissed with that Logic exam, di man lang na-explain ng maayos! Who wouldn't be tired afterwards? And then there.. I totally get irritated with the boyfriend for some small reason and began to ba a maldita again which lead to a fight na naman. My bad, i know. Ang hirap naman kasi.. So what's next? the RESULTS. I'm really worried about.. accounting. I didn't do good in that subject.. I'm having a hard time, REALLY.
Accounting.. makisama ka please. =(
Anyway, in short my day wasn't good. Bad day.. but tomorrow is another day to start something new. Back to 7am class again. Bounce out first.
